Happy New Year!!!

Well its only 12 days into the new year and its looking like this is going to be a very busy year. Well my mom and I are on speaking terms and I am not looking for a new residence as of now but am still keeping my distance from her and letting her be i guess you would say. My brother and I still have the same relationship... which is no relationship at all (besides the fact that we have the same parents... lol). He still isn't doing anything around the house and just hiding out in his room and playing his stupid video games... He still hasn't pulled his weight around the house with any cleaning... he has stepped up his game and helped out with cleaning out the garage when needed but seeing how its been below freezing weather this last week... he's not doing much there either... It really makes me laugh how much he complains about not having any money and my mom and I "always" borrowing money from him but he won't start selling any of the junk we have to get rid of on e-bay... oh well i guess that's his biznas... In other news, I am proud to say that as of the 5th I am no longer a homeowner... My house was foreclosed and sold at a sherriff sale on the 5th... it went for $87,880 which the offers we were getting on the house were for at least $102500 so the bank definately lost in that sale... I'm kind of upset that it ended this way especially with all the help that i got from my realtor and all the offers we received on the house... I just wish i could have sold it and not gotten the foreclosure on my credit but it is what it is and hopefully my mom is right and after one door closes another opens... hopefully that's the case here.... i could really use the right door to open right now... but at least i can continue working on my credit by paying all my other bills on time and getting them out of default and paid off soon hopefully... my mom is trying to talk me out of paying my 2nd mortgage off but i'm pretty sure i'd be taxed on the balance owed as it would be written off and seen as a forgiveness of debt and how is that going to make my credit any better? does she really want me living here for another few years? i don't want to end up like her and it seems like she's trying to lead me down that path.. i'm done with my house i'm working on my credit and not goig to ever have another credit card and she's trying to tell me to skip out on my 2nd mortgage and pay everythign else off? that doesn't make sense to me... just like this whole taco bell drive thru diet... yeah right... maybe my mom should work for them and give them some of her ridiculous ideas... lol.... but everything else has been going really well so far this year.. its review time at work and i'm really hoping that i get a nice big fat raise so that i get paid either equally or more than my other assistant... because as of right now she makes $2/hr more than I do... and I have to clean up after her always!! she has been with the company for about 4 months and still doesnt know how to do basic things there... its bad when the manager has to ask associates how to do things.... well i better say goodnight for the night roxy has a hot date with one of her doggie boyfriends... dont worry she's spayed so there wont be any baby roxy's here... :( but goodnight and i love you all...

Merry Christmas

Or so I thought it was.... Well once again for about what must be the 20th christmas my mom has ruined it... I honestly don't understand what her problem is and why she has to make everyone around her as miserable as she is... While other people were waking up to breakfast being cooked for them or the sounds of laughter and presents being torn open I was being woken up by a snatch! Ben ended up staying the night last night because we are having a bad winter storm currently and he was planning on going out and plowing... well my mom decided she had to call me at work to tell me this but asked me to tell ben to not leave his car here if he went plowing so that if her plow company came to do her driveway it would at least get halfway done with our cars at the top of the driveway and i told ben and he said that if it didn't get plowed by her company he would take time off to come and plow it with his crew... So at 8am this morning she barges into my room and decides that 8am is the best time to bitch about this.... mind you they hadn't even come and plowed any of the other driveways on her street... Her plowing company sucks and they don't normally come out until the next day or late at night the night it snows.. So I called ben and asked him to come plow the driveway for her.. fine no big deal with ben.. meanwhile she's just ranting and raving about other shit that isn't even related to the plowing... and is telling me that we don't know how to do anything and if we want anything for breakfast we're on our own (fine with me i can cook a hell of a lot better than she can) and then has the nerve to ask me to look for her morning paper while they're plowing the driveway... Really?!?!?! Is she nuts? so then we come back in after getting the cars moved and the driveway plowed (mind you we moved ALL cars out of the driveway so that the entire thing would be plowed) then she starts up again about shit i don't even remember... i honestly think i stopped listening after she asked me to "fetch" her her morning paper.. so then she decides shes going to go up to her room and stay there the entire day (fine by me!!) and after watching part of my favorite christmas movie i decided i should probably shovel the back patio and the front sidewalks... so i go ahead and do so and meanwhile she decides she's not going to stay in her room and decides that she wants to watch tv downstairs... well that really didn't sit well with me because roxy likes to hang out downstairs and if i'm in my room watching tv (because we are only allowed to watch what my mom is watching downstairs and nothing else) then i get yelled at for not paying attention to my dog but i'm not going to make her go somewhere she doesnt want to be... and usually i watch tv while shes napping ... but whateve.. so i decided to be a bitch and take the remote and continue to watch what i was watching while her show was on a commercial.. that didnt fly with her... she started bitching and yelling again and demanded the remote from me.. i told her not until she could talk to me like an adult and ask nicely that pissed her off more i guess... so she tried to take it from me and i tossed it onto her chair.. which the remote ended up bouncing off her chair and over it towards the christmas tree (which is a whole other story...) and so what does she do... she hits me on the forehead... wham no regret or anything... SO i went after her but didn't hit her i just pushed her aside and grabbed the remote and dropped it into her chair... and then i proceeded to hand her her christmas gift and of course give her a little attitude and tell her merry fucking christmas.. well as i was going upstairs i hear something hit the step i was just on... and no surprise there it was the gift i just gave her... she seriously tried to hit me with that too... so i come back downstairs and decide i've had it and am going to get roxy my phone and my milk and go upstairs and leave her alone... as i grab my milk (i did grab it too hard) i brought it around to me over her (she was sitting in her chair) and some of it spilled on her... that's when she gave me my real christmas present... eviction... as of today i have 30 days to vacat her property and find a place to live... where am i going to go? i dont know... how am i going to afford an apartment? i don't know probably a second job... and what will happen to roxy? either find a pet friendly apartment or she'll have to live with ben's parents.. of course after all this went down i did call ben and told him to pick me up so that i could get out of the house otherwise one of us was going to end up either dead or in jail on christmas.... he is furious with my mom (mind you ben already does not like her and tries to be civil with her but can not stand her) so he decides that hes going to try and talk to her when he gets over here... he first asks her what her problem is and why she's in such a horrible mood and then asks her what the reason for hitting her own daughter on christmas... all she has to say is that shes sick of us and is done with us... and then proceeds to tell us that i don't do shit around her house and all i do is lay around all day... i think she has the wrong child there... i do the dishes reagularly, take out the garbage(because they let it overflow), clean up after her and my brother, and vacuum (not regularly but at least once every two weeks)... what does my brother do around the house? nothing... he hardly cleans up after himself he never does the dishes never takes out the trash unless you nag him about it and doesn't even pick up a vacuum... he sits around all day on his ass playing his video games or on his computer prolly looking up porn since he's a loser and maybe he'll throw away the empty milk jugs but that's it... so ben is also asking her other questions about where this has all stemmed from and my mom keeps telling him of things that have happened in the past year or at least happened 6 mos or longer... can't give him anything recently and keeps changing the subject from me to james and to ben somehow... so we resolve nothing and ben finds it best to get me out of the house for the day... mind you we just got about 6 inches maybe and have wind gusts up to 50mph today here... and so now we have to drive across town in his little car and try and not get stuck me him and roxy... well we make it into his neighborhood and get stuck half way up his street... but i must say for a crappy start to my day it was an alright christmas... not the best obviously.. but i did get to spend the day with a real family and a family that i love... his parents are amazing.. they actually ask how your day was and ask how work is going and actually care about you and listen to your answers or any concerns.. like real parents should... and his sister is super cool.. she's funny and is always picking on his lil brother (of course) but they're a real family and i really can't wait for the day that i can join and be apart of that family... im glad i got to spend christmas with loved ones today and am disappointed to see that my mom and my relationship has not gotten better over the last few weeks.. i've been trying and obviously nothing has been happening and nothing has been done right... well i guess that's according to her.. but maybe its a sign that i am ready to be on my own again and am ready for a change.. hopefully... i just don't know how i'm going to do this but hopefully it all works out for the best... and hopefully roxy is one happy pup after all this and mine and ben's relationship is stronger than before... i know i shouldnt really say this but i wish my mom was the one that was dead and my dad was still alive... he acutally listened and seemed like he cared more about us then my mom does... i know none of this would be happening if he were still around.. and as my mom says that i keep telling her that i'm done with her when i leave... she's right and i'm sorry that it has to be this soon i thought it would have never come to that and that we could have worked out our differences and build a better relationship but obviously thats not possible.. so i hope she's happy with her decision to evict me and the rest of her life without a daughter cuz as far as shes concerned... shes dead to me. .. i have no mother.. my only mother will be my mother in law someday... i just feel horrible that this ruined my brother and ben's christmas's... i wish there was a way to make it up to them both but ben said he was happy that we got to spend the day together and that's all that really matters... which is true... i would be much more of a wreck than i am currently if he weren't here to help me deal with this today... but for now i eed to get some zzz's and try and forget about this for a little while but for now we play the waiting game and see if she's goign to hold true to this eviction or if shes going to let me stay like the last time she tried kicking me out... but i will keep you updated as soon as i know and hopefully whatever way this goes all will go well and something good will come out of this... so i hope you all had a wonderful christmas and have a happy new year... i know that my resolution will be to start anew and cherish the relationships i have in my life.. good night and i love you all

Over it

I'm soooooo done with this stupid house and mortgage company... I have had 3 offers in one month.. two were very short offers because the buyer wanted to take advantage of the $8000 tax credit... the other is still on the table and will most likely be walking very soon (since the last good offer we had they walked after 7 months of waiting) and this buyer wants to close by the end of the year (sorry but there's no way that's going to happen with this stupid company)... but my realtor advised me to call them and talk to them about doing a deed in lieu... basically handing the title and deed over and just taking it as a loss... which i wouldn't mind doing ( i just want this house out of my hands right now....) but i don't want any tax penalties and the company isn't promising anything and after talking to my realtor he's not going to extend our contract because he's already spent $1000 trying to sell the damn thing and with the way the mortgage company is dealing with us he's getting sick of it (and i appreciate everything he's done for us... he's a really great guy so if you're looking to buy in omaha i totally recommend going to this guy.. he's a great realtor) but what's really pissing me off is anytime i call they're rude to me.... are they rude to my realtor? no of course not and they keep telling him things and then they tell me something completely different... I don't know what to think who to believe i mean are they just telling him things to keep him off their asses and let my house foreclose or what?! They haven't sent me anything in the mail about anything that is going on with my house and i'm just so fed up and irritated with this damn stupid company... they're supposed to be helping us homeowners out (or so i thought) or at least helping us keep our homes not diddly doddling about their business... i mean it would be a loss to the bank (and to me) but more of a loss to the bank and they're going to have to update the house since no one has been living their and fix some things up but i guess if that's what they want to do then they can take their sweet ass time fixing it up too... i just wish (and its stupid) that my dad would have never died and i wouldn't have bought that stupid house in the first place... or at least bought a smaller house where i didn't have to depend on roommates... ugh... i just wish it was all over... i can't wait to have the stress of this house gone... i've lost 10 pounds in the last three weeks over this stupid house... and the thing that irritates me the most is that its taken them over 7 months to approve an offer but it only takes up to 120 days (so what 3 months) to do a deed in lieu... i don't understand how that works and it takes them less time just to take over your house instead of help you out and try and sell it... it just really sucks with this happening around the holidays because i am not in the holiday spirits at all and don't think i will be for a while... i'll just be thankful after this is all out of my hands... because right now i dont have much to be thankful for except those i love.... i'm supposed to have a meeting with my realtor on monday and will fill all that in but have a happy thanksgiving everyone!

screwed up

well its been a hell of a week so far... yesterday was the first good day of the week... Ben and I have been fighting this week... he has all good points but i've felt like crap.... We've been fighting over my money managing issues... which isn't a secret i'm horrible with money... always buying "impulse" buys.... if you couldnt guess that's why i'm losing my house... 1) i dont know why but i can't keep a roomie... 2) i'm horrible at paying my bills on time... but we've been fighting and have finally come to a plan on how to save money and pay my bills on time... we've written out what bills are to be paid each payday and after the bills are paid and i determine how much is in my paycheck we'll be seeing how much will be in my account and how much i can save each week... if all goes as we've planned i could save up $1500 by march... that's less than 6 months... i'm not proud of myself at all... but i am proud that i'm fixing it and he's helping me fix my problem... i just wish i could be out of my mom's house sooner because she's HORRIBLE with her money and not that it's entirely her and my dad's fault but we were never taught how to manage our money and save it... although i'm extremely proud of my mom because she has seeked out help with her debt and is making plans to pay off her debt... and i've been paying a little here and a little there but it doesn't seem like much but at least i'm getting it paid off... My goal is to be out of this house by my 25th birthday and have at least 2500 saved up by my birthday... it'll help for a good down payment on our next house.. and then we can start our own family... which i'm still deciding if i want my mom to be a part of but that's another blog... I feel like a HUGE weight has been lifted off my chest and that i can actually manage everything that comes my way... I feel like for once in my life i can stand on my own two feet and take what's coming my way... I'm excited for my new money-management plan and am even more excited about the new life and family that will start once my bills are paid... Ben told me the other night that he is ready to start a family but we both have to have our money in order... it might take a few months but i'm willing to wait and i know he is willing and i can't wait to see what's on the otherside of the tunnel as cliche as that sounds... but I'll keep you filled in and am finally feeling happy and proud of myself!!!!!

Anniversary

Ben and I celebrated our 5 year anniversary on the 9th of october this year.. I cant believe its been 5 years already... It's been a crazy ride and we've been through soo much together... We've been talking about marriage more and more lately... but of course after we get out of our parents' houses... This year we had such a great weekend.. First we went to dinner and then headed off to the Pumpkin Patch... which was a blast and probably the best anniversary date we've ever had... We went on a hayrack ride... shot some apples out of a sling shot... went through a kiddie haunted house (since i dont like haunted houses) and picked out a pumpkin (which we'll be carving this week!!!) :) and then we had a nice relaxing saturday together and watched some college football.... the only thing that gets me around our anniversary every year is the anniversary of my dad passing... i know it sounds morbid and sort of takes the joy out of it but Ben had asked me to be exclusive the week before my dad passed away and the next week we decided to make the trip to michigan to see my dad and for ben to meet him... and thats when he passed away... ben hardly got to meet my dad and it just breaks my heart that they really only got to say hello before all the chaos began... he's been with me through the hardest things in my life so far and i'm glad its been him by my side all these years and i wouldn't change it for the world...

Where to start?

What a year its been.. I started a new job in January of this year at DSW Shoes.... and I love it! I firmly believe that shoes can improve an attitude or turn a horrible day into a great day! I love my job.... although we just had some management changes that i wasn't fond of at first its not as bad as i thought it was going to be... We recently put our house up for sale (in March) because we are one of the many thousands of people that are facing foreclosure and one of the many that the bank does not want to help... We've had several showings on the house and so far 5 offers that the bank has taken too long with deciding on and all buyers have walked... so we are at square one again with selling the house and waiting patiently for another offer.. I have moved back in with my mom which i do not recommend to anyone that has lived on their own.... and Ben (my boyfriend of 5 years as of October 9th!!!!!!!!) has moved back in with his parents.... which are waaaaaaay cooler and more understanding than my mom... we've thought of moving back into the house since its just sitting vacant and living there for free until the bank stops screwing around and sells the damn house but i really don't like any of my neighbors except one... and she lives a house down and is one of my best friends... its been hard living back at home especially since my mom still sees me as a 13 year old and the fact that my brother moved back in around the same time as me... although it is nice that we both see how crazy my mom is... Roxy loves lving at my moms though since she can play with canada... which my mom thinks is too rough but she's still a pup and has waaaaay too much energy for canada to even deal with... i definately like hanging out at ben's parents house a lot more than my moms or anytime i can get out of the house i do... i often feel bad for roxy since she can't go to most of the places i go to get away from my mom and therefore is stuck at home sleeping all day and usually gets into trouble because shes bored... no one here will play with her and they bitch at me and wonder why she's getting into things and blame me for everything she does... i can't control the fact that i have to work to get myself out of debt and back on my feet... but apparently its ok for my 27 yr old brother to sit around the house on his 4 days off and do nothing but play video games and play on his computer while my mom and i do the house work and cleaning? how hard is it to throw a ball across the house for the dog? she knows to bring it back and to drop it when told... i really can not wait until i get out of this house and get our own place again... my mom tells me i'm only allowed to live here for a year so if my finances aren't straight by march i guess i'm going to be moving in with ben and his family....